I know nothing about love. No one ever told me once in my life, but you did. After you left, I learn so much about me, myself and mostly about love. How to loved someone, how to treat someone nicely and how does it feel to be loved.
This isn’t a love letter that I wanted to give, but some kind of reminder for myself to be better than yesterday. First of all, I won’t regret everything that happened to my life for these couple years. The love, care, sadness, anger, pain, sorrow, gratitude, the happiest moment and the disappointed one. I take it all package, and I won’t return it. I am grateful for all that pain and happiness that I felt. I learn everything from it one by one.
Like I mention before, that no one ever told me what is love and how does it work. I miss it all and got it in a wrong direction. Sadly no one ever remind me until it all goes down and I am so sorry for everything that I thought I was right. Turns out I wasn’t and life taught me that it was wrong but sadly I am running out of time. Maybe I already understand it in a wrong timing. And again, no regret, this might be happened for a reason.
When I said that you’re the one that taught me about love, I really mean it. I learn it all from you and from all of the mistake that I’ve done. I learn it from you, after you left me with this broken heart, the painful one that I will never forget. So, thank you for teaching me this love that I will never forget.
If would like to tell you my POV, the one that you might never heard before. Why did I stay and why did I ended up loving you this hard. For some reason, I thought that you were different, you are special unlike the others. Your warm heart touch mine the coldest heart I ever know. You melt it nicely and smooth. You with your own ways, the first time you reach me you held so many question that I would never bored to answer. The way you touch my heart, asking me about something unique, something that no one ever ask when you try to steal someone heart. But somehow, I like it. Some analytical question about something either it was political thing or economic one. Oh, I do love this question, not a rhetorical one but somehow, I can use some brain to answer it.
I never thought that I would be loved until you came. When I do already hopeless with love and everyone, you give me one. When I said that I was a mess 3 years ago, I’m not lie. I am a mess and I need to be fixed, I need someone help and somehow, I thought you’re the one that gonna help me fix myself. Turns out you’re the one that crush me into million pieces.
When I said that I am a mess. I do mean it, no one ever told me about love, all I know was pain. My parents maybe they love me, but the way they express their love was different. Not by words, nor sometimes their action. But ya, you know when someone love you, you don’t have to show them. This is the way they act. Cold love I believe.
When you came with your love language honestly, I was shock. “do I deserved this? Is this the love that everyone should have? Is this the way to love someone?” and so many question on my mind. I don’t know how to react to all the love you give me. Instead of giving you the love you deserved, in a good way. I got it all wrong, I do what I do. I do what I thought I was right. Loving you with no action and no words. And now I know, how could someone know if you love them if you don’t act like one, right?
I know I was wrong and I am sorry for it. I tried to understand it one by one. But again, let me share my POV about us. If you ask me why I stay, let me share the reason why I choose to love you.
I not loving you because of your looks, not because your great career. I loved you because of your way to love me. The way you held my heart and the way you treat me. I loved you because of your character. Your sweet words toward me, the way you loved your family especially your mother, I do love it. I’m not loving you because of your money. I never did. I do loved you because don’t care how tired you are, you never giving up. You’re just great by being you, the old version of you.
I don’t know why, but somehow you just giving up on us that easily. You choose to hurt me by being with someone else. And it was hard to believe honestly. But I realize something. Something that I never thought that it was important.
Again, disclaimer I won’t agree with everything you did to me. But I do realize my mistake. That I’ve been letting you alone in this relationship. I never thought that after all this time, I let you suffer alone. I am there physically, but I don’t think that you felt it. I am truly sorry about this. But again, why don’t you come and declare all this sorrow to me? Why did you have to do this your way? Why don’t you told me everything.
By the time I was realizing everything, when I tried to be better you already hurt me. You don’t even give me a chance. In 2 months, I change my behavior toward you, I never angry about anything, I am not leaving you alone and I stay. But I guess I was too late for you.
I do learn so much from these past few years. That nothing last forever, people do come and go and its life. People do change, either to be a good person or not. But life is a choice, whatever the choice you choose I hope it was the best for you and don’t forget to be happy. Choose something that will make you happy, but remember something, that happiness come with sadness. And one thing that I believe, that everything you give is everything you will get.
Never tired of saying that I am sorry for everything that I ever did that might hurt you. I’m sorry for being me, the worst part of me. I’m a mess and nothing is perfect, right? I’m not perfect and until now I still tried to be the best for myself and never stop to learn something.
Goodbye, love.
